Before you spend any money on a headstone, there is one thing you absolutely need to do first: check your cemetery's rules. Every cemetery has its own regulations about what types of markers they allow, what sizes are permitted, and how installation works.
This guide covers the most common regulations families encounter, so you know what questions to ask and what to expect.
Why Cemetery Rules Matter
Cemetery regulations exist for practical reasons. They help maintain a consistent appearance across sections, make groundskeeping manageable, and ensure safety for visitors and maintenance crews.
The important thing to understand is that every cemetery is different. What one cemetery allows, another may prohibit. There is no single national standard. Rules vary by:
- Cemetery type (municipal, private, religious, national/VA)
- Section within the cemetery (some sections have different rules)
- State and local regulations
- Historical preservation requirements (for older cemeteries)
Bottom line: Always contact your specific cemetery to verify their headstone regulations before ordering. The information in this guide covers common patterns, but your cemetery may differ.
Common Regulations
While every cemetery has its own rulebook, there are several categories of regulations that come up repeatedly. These are the ones you are likely to encounter.
Size Restrictions
Most cemeteries specify maximum dimensions for headstones. For flat markers, common maximum sizes range from 24x12in to 28x16in. Some cemeteries allow larger markers for companion (double) plots. For upright headstones, there are usually height and width maximums.
Our 28x16x3in flat markers fall within the size range that many cemeteries accept. However, "many" does not mean "all." Check your specific cemetery.
Material Requirements
Granite is accepted at the vast majority of cemeteries in the United States. Some cemeteries require specific materials (granite only, or bronze only). A few accept marble. Material requirements are usually listed in the cemetery's rules and regulations document, which the office can provide.
Marker Type
Some cemetery sections are designated for flat markers only, while others allow upright headstones. Some sections accept both. This varies not just by cemetery but by section within a cemetery. Ask which section your loved one is in and what that section allows.
Thickness Requirements
Cemeteries may specify a minimum thickness for flat markers, typically 3 or 4 inches. A 3-inch thick granite marker provides excellent structural integrity and is accepted at many cemeteries. Again, confirm with yours.
Engraving and Design Restrictions
Some cemeteries have rules about what can be engraved on a headstone. Most are flexible, allowing names, dates, epitaphs, and common symbols. Religious cemeteries may have specific requirements about symbols or iconography. Rarely, a cemetery may restrict the use of certain imagery or require approval of the design before installation.
Foundation and Setting Requirements
For flat markers, cemeteries may require a concrete or gravel foundation beneath the stone. Some handle this themselves (sometimes for a fee), while others leave it to the family or installer. For upright headstones, a poured foundation is almost always required.
Can You Buy Your Own Headstone?
Yes. In most cases, you have every right to purchase a headstone from any supplier you choose and have it delivered to the cemetery. You are not required to buy from the cemetery itself or from a dealer that the cemetery recommends.
This is a common misunderstanding. Some families feel pressured to use the cemetery's preferred vendor, but legally, most cemeteries cannot require this. They can require that the headstone meet their specifications (size, material, type), but they generally cannot dictate where you purchase it.
A few things to keep in mind:
- The cemetery may charge a setting fee (typically $100 to $300) to install a headstone you bring in from an outside vendor. This is standard and legitimate.
- Some cemeteries require that the headstone be delivered on a specific day or during specific hours so their crew can manage the installation.
- The cemetery may require proof of compliance with their size and material specifications before allowing installation. Having exact dimensions and material details ready makes this straightforward.
Buying your own headstone gives you the freedom to choose the material, design, and price point that works for your family. For a guide on how the online purchasing process works, see our how to buy a headstone online guide.
Who Installs the Headstone?
Installation depends on the cemetery's policies and the type of marker.
Cemetery Installation
Many cemeteries offer installation (or "setting") as a service, either included in the plot cost or for an additional fee. This is often the simplest option because the cemetery crew knows the exact placement requirements for the section, handles any foundation preparation, and ensures the marker is set correctly.
Third-Party Installer
You can hire a local monument installer to place the headstone. This makes sense if the cemetery does not offer setting services or if you want someone independent to handle it. Many local monument companies offer installation as a standalone service, even for stones purchased elsewhere.
Self-Installation (Flat Markers)
For flat markers, some families choose to place the stone themselves. Because a flat marker sits at or near ground level, the process is straightforward: prepare a level bed of sand or gravel, and place the stone. No foundation pouring, no heavy equipment.
However, not all cemeteries allow self-installation. Some require that their own crew or an approved contractor handle it. Always ask before planning a DIY installation.
At SilkStone, we can ship your marker to your home address, directly to the cemetery, or to a monument installer. You choose what works best for your situation.
How to Check Your Cemetery Rules
This is the most important section of this entire guide. Before you order, do this:
- Call the cemetery office. Ask to speak with someone who can explain their headstone regulations. This is a routine question they answer regularly.
- Ask for their written rules. Many cemeteries have a printed or PDF document listing all marker specifications. Request a copy. This protects you if there is any confusion later.
- Ask specifically about your section. Regulations can vary by section within the same cemetery. Confirm the rules for the exact plot where your loved one is (or will be) buried.
- Ask these specific questions:
- What types of markers are allowed? (Flat, upright, or both?)
- What are the maximum dimensions? (Length, width, thickness)
- What materials are accepted? (Granite, bronze, marble?)
- Can I purchase the headstone from an outside vendor?
- Is there a setting fee? How much?
- How do I arrange delivery? Are there specific days or times?
- Is a foundation required? Does the cemetery provide it?
- Write everything down. Note the name of the person you spoke with and the date of the conversation. This is your record.
Rules by Cemetery Type
Different types of cemeteries tend to have different approaches to regulations. Here is a general overview, but remember: individual cemeteries within each type can still vary.
Municipal (City or County) Cemeteries
Municipal cemeteries are operated by local government. They tend to have moderate regulations. Many accept both flat and upright markers. Size limits vary but are usually published in local ordinances. Setting fees are common and typically modest ($100 to $200).
Private Cemeteries
Private cemeteries are run by for-profit or nonprofit organizations. Their rules are set by the operator and can range from very lenient to highly restrictive. Some private cemeteries require purchasing the headstone through them or through an approved vendor. While you usually have the legal right to bring in your own marker, it is worth asking upfront to avoid friction.
Religious Cemeteries
Cemeteries operated by churches, synagogues, mosques, or other religious organizations may have regulations tied to religious traditions. These can include specific symbol requirements, restrictions on certain imagery, or rules about stone orientation. If the cemetery is affiliated with a specific faith tradition, ask about any religious requirements.
National (Veterans Affairs) Cemeteries
VA national cemeteries provide government-issued headstones and markers at no cost to eligible veterans and their spouses. These are standard designs provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs. If you want a private headstone instead of or in addition to the government marker, rules vary by individual national cemetery. Contact the specific VA cemetery for their policy.
Green or Natural Burial Grounds
Green burial grounds emphasize environmental sustainability. Many restrict headstones to natural, locally sourced stones or flat field stones. Some prohibit traditional polished granite markers entirely. Others allow small flat markers. If you are considering a green burial ground, their marker requirements will be quite specific and different from conventional cemeteries.
Delivery Options
Once you have confirmed the cemetery's rules and purchased your headstone, delivery logistics are next.
Deliver to the Cemetery
Many families have the headstone shipped directly to the cemetery. If you choose this option, coordinate with the cemetery office first. They may need to know the delivery date, and someone at the cemetery may need to receive the package.
Deliver to Your Home
Having the stone shipped to your home lets you inspect it before it goes to the cemetery. This is a good option if you want to verify the engraving in person. Keep in mind that a 28x16x3in granite marker weighs about 140 pounds, so plan for how you will transport it to the cemetery.
Deliver to a Monument Installer
If you are hiring a local installer, you can ship the headstone directly to them. They will handle transport to the cemetery and placement.
At SilkStone, we ship via UPS Ground to all 50 states. Every stone is packaged in a wooden crate with foam padding and fully insured during transit. Read more on our shipping page.
Common Questions
What if my cemetery has not heard of my headstone vendor?
This is normal. Cemeteries work with many different vendors and are accustomed to receiving headstones from suppliers they have not dealt with before. What matters to them is that the stone meets their specifications, not where it came from.
Can the cemetery refuse my headstone?
A cemetery can refuse a headstone that does not meet their written regulations (wrong size, wrong material, wrong type for that section). They generally cannot refuse a headstone simply because you bought it from an outside vendor. If you have confirmed their specs in advance and your stone complies, there should be no issue.
How long after burial can I place a headstone?
Most cemeteries recommend waiting a period after burial before placing a headstone, typically a few weeks to a few months. This allows the ground to settle, especially for new burials. The cemetery can tell you their specific recommendation.
Can I change or replace a headstone later?
Yes. There is no rule that says a headstone is permanent. Families replace headstones, add companions, or upgrade markers all the time. The cemetery may charge a fee for removing the old marker and setting a new one.
Your Pre-Purchase Checklist
Before you place an order for any headstone, from any vendor, complete this checklist:
- Contact the cemetery and confirm which marker types are allowed in your section
- Get the exact maximum dimensions (length, width, thickness)
- Confirm accepted materials (granite, bronze, etc.)
- Ask about setting fees and who handles installation
- Ask about delivery scheduling and any receiving requirements
- Ask about foundation requirements
- Get everything in writing or note the name and date of who you spoke with
- Verify that the headstone you want to order meets every requirement
Once you have confirmed all of this, you can order with confidence. You will know exactly what your cemetery accepts, what fees to expect, and how delivery and installation will work.
Ready to start? Browse our 28x16x3in flat granite markers or read our complete buying guide for help choosing the right stone. And if you have questions about whether our markers will work with your cemetery, check our FAQ or contact us.